David Hardtke's Blog

Before there was a search engine, there was me. I am the real Stinky Teddy. Stinky Teddy III to be exact. This search engine stole my name.

My grandfather, Stinky Teddy I, was born at the Ty factory, sometime in 2004. He was given to a little girl named Audrey when she was very young. Audrey was given many stuffed animals, but for some reason she chose my grandpa as her favorite. She took him everywhere -- to bed, to the daycare, to the park, to the beach. In fact, she slobbered on him so much and rolled him in so much dirt that he started to stink -- hence the nickname "Stinky Teddy".

Well, I said that Audrey took Stinky Teddy I everywhere. I did not say that Audrey always brought him home. Most of the time, Audrey would go back to where she had left him and Stinky Teddy would be waiting for her. One day, however, Audrey went to Village Host Pizza in Burlingame, California with her Grandpa. Audrey had a good time, but left Stinky Teddy there. Somehow, Stinky Teddy was lost forever (I'm sure he now has a newer, younger owner). Audrey's Mom suspected this would happen, so she had a replacement ready. My father, Stinky Teddy Jr., was born. Audrey was real young and didn't notice that Stinky Teddy Jr. did not stink and had the wrong color outfit.

Well, one day Audrey's Dad decided he was incapable of putting the golf ball and like all who have come before him blamed his putter. Audrey accompanied her Dad to buy a new putter, and Stinky Teddy Jr. came along. Stinky Teddy Jr. did not come home, and is currently residing in the great fairway in the sky somewhere. Hence, I was born, Stinky Teddy III.

You'll notice I have a scar. Audrey has a dog named Kule. He used to be very hyperactive. One day Kule got angry with, or jealous of, Stinky Teddy the 1st and started attacking him. He ripped my grandpa in several places. Audrey cried. Mommy sewed him up. In an effort to fool Audrey, this scar has been passed down through the generations. For the most part it has worked. It was not until Audrey discovered Mommy's stash of five new Stinky Teddies that she realized I was a fraud.

Well, that is my story.